There are moments where I am scared of the paint brush. Moments where I do not know what to do with the colours, how to mix them. My mind simply goes boom. Nothing is connected inside my brain. I lose all sense of making art. I stare at an empty white canvas without any reaction. I feel soul less.
Many times I forced myself to sketch and paint during this black period but I create only garbage. I feel like I am a toddler get hold of the pencil for the first time in his life. The feeling is devastating. There were times where I thought that I lost it. That I cannot paint or draw anymore. I despair. What will happen of me should I stop painting? Who will I be?
I do go through these moments. Sometimes it’s only days but other times they take weeks even months. I cannot say they are happy days. I simply exist. It is very frustrating but now I know that the colours will eventually come back. So I’ve learnt not to fight it. I simply let it be until that moment where I am friends again with my paint brushes. I see the reds, the blues, the greens, the yellows, the greys. I don’t care what medium I use. As long as I create, I’m fine. I’m in the right place. I’m in my world of colours.