Every single day, irrespective of the mood or weather or location, I need to paint. The first thing that crosses my mind as on as I was up is, what I will be painting or sketching on that same day. Lately I started painting using watercolours which is a new medium for me. Although they do not give me the full body experience as when I use oils, they are quite versatile and easy to use once you get the hang of the brushes and the right measure of water in the brush. I start and finish on the same day. So far, no watercolour painting took me more than 3 hours. Drying is not a problem as I use a hit drier to speed up the process. I am still far away from the quality I want reach but am getting there gradually.
The urge to paint gives me a reason to move on every day. It is my sole objective. The rest is only normal routine of lower importance. Recently I was not feeling well as my blood pressure had a dive so I could not do my daily painting ritual. I went to bed feeling unaccomplished as if I wasted a whole precious day.
During the day, although most likely I’ll be doing other errands, I will still be unconsciously drawing in my mind. This always helps me when I get to my brushes. I would have seen the painting I my mind before I even start. I even imagine myself mixing the colours. The feeling of going through this process is amazing. Its great and super exciting.
I do have my dark periods where I simply cannot paint or draw. Believe me it is a terrible feeling. I feel useless. No reason to live for. Sometimes it takes day but I also had months where I could not paint. As if I never painted ever before. The paint brush in my hand becomes a stranger. The charcoal becomes an alien. Lately I’ve learnt that meditation helps me to shorten such dark periods an dit is getting better and better.
I paint every day, if not on my canvas, or paper or tablet, I will be painting in my mind. I transport myself to my world of colour cause that is my place. It is the place where my home is. It is the place that defines me.
Jose’
27th March 2020